Laura, who is getting married this August, recently wrote a blog post about serving at weddings. That got me thinking… I can only recall a few weddings in my life that I have attended solely as a guest. I’m used to the bride and groom asking me to assume some voluntary role, either because 1) I’m in the family, and everyone in the family is called into duty, or 2) I’m from the church, and everyone in the church is called into duty. Why is it that at my cousins’ weddings, it doesn’t seem like they’re using church helpers, and then at FCBC weddings, it doesn’t seem like they’re using family helpers? Hmmm?
I’m not complaining, though. I really enjoy helping out at weddings! I’ll expand on this in a future, related post (I’ve been meaning to write about why Ethan and Gisele’s wedding last month was the most fun I’d ever had serving at a wedding).
So, what roles have I taken on at weddings, and what do I think of them?
1. Photography (2 weddings). I’m not considering paid jobs, assisting, or weddings where I was just a casual guest with a camera. There have been two times I was asked to volunteer my skills to cover the candids at the reception and other details the professional would miss.
Thoughts: People assume I would want to do this because they know of my consideration to venture into professional photography. And it is good practice for me, so I appreciate it. The only thing I don’t like is that it takes me away from hanging out and having good times with my friends during the reception and banquet, because I’d be floating around the room much of the time.
Rating: 4 out of 5.
2. Audio/Visual (3 weddings). A limited number of people know my background in this area at UCLA, so it hasn’t been often. I love sound-checking and running the board. I don’t like the equipment transport, set up, and tear down, because there usually isn’t enough help.
Thoughts: Hire a professional. The job is too big to ask a friend to do. Also, a pro will have his own equipment. Don’t have high expectations otherwise, because the venue’s in-house system may be inadequate. Also, if your playlist is iPod-based, your A/V friend will be continually embarrassed when guests keep coming up to ask “are you the DJ?” and requesting songs and wondering why the mix is terrible.
Rating: 3 out of 5.
3. Worship Leader (1 wedding). Worship Band Musician (1 wedding). I LOVE leading worship. As I have been encouraged by so many people at church, this is me in my element. To lead worship at Ben and Leah’s wedding was an honor and privilege, as a friend and as a brother in Christ.
Thoughts: I would actually consider leading worship one of the greatest privileges one could have at a wedding, right up there with best man, maid of honor, and officiating pastor. Why? Probably the same reason Steph (in response to Laura) said, “My favorite part of the wedding is singing hymns/songs about Christ’s redemptive work… I think being at a wedding and singing those songs is such a powerful image of what is to come when Christ returns.”
Rating: 5 out of 5.
4. Performing at the Reception (2 weddings). This only happens at Szeto family weddings, where all the cousins (all ~20 of us) have to perform a musical number together. Think Chinese VonTrapp family. Oh, we do funerals too! (Okay, that was wrong. But we do.)
Thoughts: It’s like Chinese family reunion recitals, where all the parents have to show off their kids’ talents so they set aside one night for all the little ones to perform. Ugh!
Rating: 1 out of 5. Maybe 0.5 more for re-watching value 20 years later.
5. Wedding Party (1 wedding). The only time I was in the party was as a ring bearer for my uncle when I was seven.
Thoughts: I don’t really expect to be in too many lineups in my lifetime, but that’s okay. It was a traumatic experience, anyways (but that’s another story). And I can imagine it would be more stressful as an adult, with more responsibilities.
Rating: 1 out of 5.
6. Setup/Cleanup (countless weddings). I’ve had a lot of experience setting up tables and chairs, moving things, and taking care of random details. That’s what happens when you’re a “church kid,” because you get enlisted with all the 100 other church kids to do the grunt work. Thankfully, all the stuff I wouldn’t want to do goes to the girls: welcome table (Doreen’s bane), boutonnières, kitchen duty, etc. Still, I’ve destroyed two pairs of dress shoes by moving equipment while dressed up.
Thoughts: The most inconsiderate thing the bride and groom can do is assume that the kids want to help, or that because you’ve invited them, they are obligated to help. I can understand the assumption is made because the grunt work normally falls to the kids during special church events and holiday services. But this is different; they are your guests first, your helpers second. Don’t have a task list and schedule printed out for them (and God forbid, handed to them!) before they’ve even RSVP’d. That presumptuousness is most offensive.
Rating: 2 out of 5. I hope my current skill set (including photography and A/V) exempts me from grunt work for the rest of my life. And my current pair of dress shoes is intact!
A. Things I’ve Never Done But Want To Do. I’d like to perform musically at the wedding. I know this is the polar opposite of leading worship in terms of humility. But I think I’d like to play guitar. Maybe sing, like Jen. But I’m a better guitarist than vocalist, by far. I enjoyed hearing Mike attempt to play my solo guitar rendition of “Come Thou Fount” at Steven’s wedding (it wasn’t bad for a 15-minute crash course and no tabs)! And hey, I know how to play “Air on the G String” by Bach on classical guitar now, too!
B. Things I’ve Never Done But Don’t Want To Do. I would be happy to never be an usher. I’ve never ushed, and I probably wouldn’t like ushing. (I know those aren’t words, but that’s how Doreen and I talk.)
The following audio clip is a gripping illustration given by John Piper. He is speaking of the common yet naive perspective toward the dangers of clinging to habitual sin. The gist of the entire sermon is this: to remain unrepentant in this age means remaining unforgiven, both in this age and the age to come–and there will be no opportunity for repentance in the age to come.
As our bodies put our will into visible action, the church, as the body of Christ, puts His will into visible action. Therefore, the plan and the agenda that Jesus had in His physical body on the earth is now implemented by the church as His corporate body in the world.
Near the end of Sunday school this past week, I raised my hand and asked a question. When no one else could offer a response, Jess volunteered an answer. It was a good answer. The funny thing is that when she was done, she qualified it with “Well, that’s what MacArthur says.”
I had to smile at that. I know she didn’t think of or mean for it to be taken this way, but I couldn’t help but consider how many people I know who would allow that phrase to substantiate everything preceding it as sure and solid truth. Don’t get me wrong; I like John MacArthur as much as the next GOCer.
But it seems there is a certain weight we put on the words of MacArthur, Piper, Grudem, Spurgeon, Edwards, Calvin, and Luther. Because they are all great theologians, effective ministers, and godly men, it is easy to say, “Well, they have much more wisdom and knowledge and spiritual expertise and experience in the formulation of their theology, and so they must be correct.” But I’m certain these men would be the first to admit that their theologies are incomplete and by no means inerrant; even among this list of men we can pinpoint aspects of their doctrines that disagree. In my time at his church, I remember John MacArthur once saying something like this: “I know my doctrine is not 100% correct. I would fix it if I only knew where I was wrong.”
It would be irresponsible for the Christian to listen and accept blindly all the words of any respected spiritual leader or teacher. This extends to your home church and local pastor or fellowship leaders as well. But it would be even more irresponsible of me to assume that my own theology is 100% correct. Rather, it is necessary for us to take everything we hear and weigh it against the truth we know of God through His Word. And how are we to do that if we don’t study and know His Word on our own, and ask of the Holy Spirit to illumine our hearts and reveal truth to us as we do so? It is vital that our hearts and minds be informed, then engaged to test all teaching we receive.
As a college counselor and Sunday school teacher, it can be discouraging to think that the students are not paying attention. It is also discouraging to think that even if they are listening, they may not really be hearing and thinking, spiritually and intellectually engaged. But I would rather they not listen at all than to listen with a simple blind acceptance. That is dangerous.
I’ll be honest. When people post quotes from theologians and Christian literature or sermons in their blogs, I usually don’t read them. This is for a few reasons:
1) They’re too long and intellectual, and while I do enjoy intellectual things and the writings of theologians, usually when I’m reading blogs I’m in a lazy, brain-powered-off mode, so I’m not in the mood for it.
2) I didn’t come to your blog for regurgitation. I read blogs because I like to know what you’re thinking. Thanks for the quote, but how did it impact you personally, my friend, and why? Is this something you’ve been struggling with? Something on your mind? Please expand on it, in your own words.
3) It usually lacks context, and therefore effect. We miss what the author or speaker was saying previously to build up to that point, to whet our appetite for the climax (and yes, the climactic statement is usually what is posted). I have often been affected greatly by excerpts from books I read, but to just give you a one-liner would not adequately convey the power that very same line had on myself.
Well, now that I’ve admitted my thoughts, I’m here to say that I’m going to start doing that very thing. Why? Because in the last 3-4 months I’ve established a habit of reading one chapter of Christian literature per day and listening to one sermon every two days. And as I’ve been reading and listening, I have been convicted of and learning a lot of good things. I’m going to begin to post things here, not so much for your benefit, but for my own memory’s sake. And if you can benefit from it in the meantime, then praise God.
I’ll close with my first quote that just brings this whole idea into light, so humbly spoken by one of my favorite speakers, C. J. Mahaney:
“I’m always standing on somebody’s shoulders whenever I speak—I never have an original thought—basically I just read and tell you what I read. That’s just it: try to read the right guys… and then tell you what I read.”
—C. J. Mahaney, Discern Your Heart: The Idol Factory, New Attitude Conference 2007
Well folks, I’m back from my 2-week trip to London! It was a lot of fun! I’ll try to blog about my trip and post some pictures soon, but for the next couple days I have a lot of work and things to catch up on and take care of first. Aside from work, one thing I’ll be trying to do today is replying to all my outstanding e-mails and voicemails cluttering my inboxes.. some are more than 2 months old (sorry)!
In all my years at UCLA, I never knew that just off campus (it looks pretty near the AVCO theaters) there’s the Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery. Among those buried there: Marilyn Monroe, Dean Martin, Merv Griffin, Rodney Dangerfield, and Frank Zappa. It would have been a cool place to visit on one of those many free afternoons and weekends.
I just found out about it today on Digg. I thought I’d seen all the little-known or unfrequently-visited “gems” within a 1-mile radius UCLA!
For example, I’d recommend a visit to the Hannah Carter Japanese Garden in Bel-Air almost no one knows about. It’s much better than the Mildred Mathias Botanical Garden on campus.
Also, many students attend UCLA without ever setting foot in Fowler Museum, the Hammer Museum, or the Los Angeles National Cemetery! Both museums are quite nice, and host a variety of concerts and events throughout the year.
The National Cemetery is something in itself. One morning my freshman year, our then-GOC shepherd, Roger, took his small group of guys (the “Power Team”) for a 6 A.M. visit to the grounds. Despite being surrounded by busy L.A. avenues, once you wander inside, all street noise is cut off by the trees. You’re left curiously and wondrously deaf in a deathly silence as you wander among the hills that roll out of sight, spotted with the gravestones of 85,000 heroes… it’s a pretty deeply moving experience.
[This is a classic jszeto journal entry from my college blog. In light of Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d repost part of the most popular series of posts I ever wrote. I may not agree with everything I said at the time, but it sure still is entertaining! Originally posted Monday, February 13th, 2006. Content slightly edited. Click here for Part I: The DTR, Part I]
The DTR can be a very traumatic thing, or so I’ve heard. Other traumatic things in life include
falling into dog poop
getting pantsed in public
having your face burned off in a fire
witnessing a beheading
watching old people make out
To some men, these things are small potatoes compared to having to DTR. If Boy were convicted of treason, and the judge gave him the choice between gouging his eyes out or DTRing with Girl, Boy would say “Hand me the spoon!”
Well, Boy, I have good news for you. Using my method, the DTR (for “just friends,” prior to dating) becomes quick, easy, and relatively painless.
Basically, it involves a scale from 0-100.
0 = Platonic, no interest
100 = I’m going to ask you out with my next breath
On the basis of theis scale, the DTR becomes a quick process of negotiation.
Boy: Hi, Girl.
Girl: Hi, Boy.
Boy: I’m feeling a 75.
Girl: 75?! More like 50.
Boy: Ouch. Seriously? I’ll try to tone down to 65 then.
Girl: Well, maybe 55.
Boy: 60’s my final offer.
Girl: Fine, 60, but you gotta step it up.
Boy: I will.
Thus they know exactly where each other stands; even if they both had to cede some ground, it’s not as nasty as it could have been, and often is.
Now, this method can and should be used for any friendship. After all, even in the most friendly friendships, a lack of communication results in surprise and heartbreak. For example, say Boy is a good but lonely guy. Girl is his very good, platonic friend. Girl is a nice girl, so Boy reads into her niceness as signs of affection, when she really has no feelings for him. One day,
Boy: 98!!!
Girl: WHAT?!?!?! 32…
…and she runs off crying and tells all her friends, and the relationship is ruined forever. This is because Boy and Girl allowed the gap to grow over time (without each consulting the other) to an inappropriate size, and with a 66-point deficit Girl was in for quite the shock. Unfortunately, I’ve seen this happen very often.
On the other hand, if my system is used to define all friendships often and accurately, the smallest discrepencies can be caught at the beginning, early on before all is lost.
Boy: Want to study together?
Girl: Yeah, but we’re still just 15 right?
Boy: Naturally.
Girl: Great, I’ll bring the Cheez-Its.
[This is a classic jszeto journal entry from my college blog. In light of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd repost part of the most popular series of posts I ever wrote. I may not agree with everything I said at the time, but it sure still is entertaining! Originally posted Monday, February 13th, 2006. Content slightly edited.]
In light of that special holiday around the corner, I feel that it is especially appropriate for me to address a certain issue that is not pressing nor heavy on my heart, but I know applies to many of you! Ha.
There comes a time in every friendship and could-be-relationship that both parties often dread: the DTR.
As you probably know, DTR means Defining The Relationship, and is that point when the two of you sit down and take the plunge from friendship into oblivion (oblivion being dating with the intention of marriage, if you’re doing it right).
A DTR is usually prefaced by “We need to talk” or “Heydidyouknowthatilikeyou *runs away*”.
But even if the DTR goes well, it doesn’t end there. Once you’re in the relationship, the philosophy goes like this regarding DTRs: Do it often, do it well.
That way, you’re always on the same page, so that one individual is not plummeting toward proposal and overreading everything the other says and does, while the other party is still at the starting line tying his/her shoelaces.
So in light of all of this, I would like to propose a system to make DTRs easy and even fun.
But first, a few examples. Here’s a DTR as we know it:
Boy: Girl, we need to talk.
Girl: (oh, no, here it comes) We’re talking.
Boy: Well, there comes a time in every friendship between a godly, humble man and godly, beautiful woman, where they come to a crossroads with regards to God’s will for their relationship. Over the last three years we have been through so much and have come to know each other as well as we do, praying for each other and serving alongside each other, and I’ve been praying and thinking a lot about this, and talking to all my friends and my small group for the last 6 months, and–
Girl: Umm hey–do you smell smoke?
Boy: (pauses, caught off guard) Err… that’s the fire in my heart burning for you, baby. –For God! I mean God!
Girl: You’re such a dork. I’m in love with HANDSOME DREAM MAN. And I need more time to read my Bible and pray.
Ouch, no? For a stark contrast, here’s every man’s dream DTR:
Boy: I like you. You like me?
Girl: Me like you long time.
Boy: Yay! Date?
Girl: Only if you pay, you cheap PAM [Passive Asian Male].
Well, with my solution that I will present shortly, DTRs will be made, as I promised, fun and easy.
If I wrote a post every time I thought about writing one, this journal would be as substantial as the last (my college one). Unfortunately, laziness usually takes over. Either that, or I convince myself that it wouldn’t be worth it to take the time to post anyways. Whatever the reason, that’s why it’s so sparse.
I’m behind on posting my Sunday school lessons, too.
